I am Proud to be a "Utah Mormon"

The Normal Mormon Husband recently had a post on his blog about living in Utah and, of course, invited people to leave comments. I should have known when I started reading them what some would say, but I didn’t think about it and got madder and madder as I was reading. I couldn’t care less if people said they didn’t like the PLACE Utah, but when they start ripping on the people and “Utah Mormons,” I get upset. This has always been a sensitive subject for me, for the obvious reason that I am from Utah and I am a Mormon, but also because I don’t know how people can categorize and stereotype all 1.6 million of us into one group of rude, judgmental and hypocritical people who don’t live the Gospel well. So I need to vent.

I thought I would start with a little bit of what people said:

“…and the blatant hypocrisy of many church members there. The only place I've ever wanted to go inactive from the church was in Utah. Even now I have close friends who live there telling me that they have to have certain decorations in their home or let neighborhood children wander through their yards at will or someone will judge you harshly or be offended. And I've also been told that remodeling your house is a must to "keep up with the Joneses". It's petty and I want no part of it."

“I grew up outside Utah and most families that moved into the ward from Utah were, in my head, so hypocritical and stuck up. Then I went to school at BYU expecting great things, spiritual, personal, emotional etc. Like just being there surrounded by people that all "believed the same things I did" would somehow make everything perfect.”

“At first it was very odd to meet a member who wasn't really devoted to the gospel. Outside of Utah the youth really made a point of making sure others got off work to go to youth activities whereas in Utah I was one of the only Laurels who even tried to make it to them!”

“Here are some stories illustrating the "Utah Mormon" mentality. My mother 4 years ago traveled to Utah to see my sister, who was ready to give birth to her first child. She visited her ward in Spanish Fork (pronounced 'Fark' in the regional dialect). The lesson in Relief Society was about how our children should be allowed befriend their minority non-member classmates at school. The lesson was absolutely going nowhere when my mother raised her hand and said, "If I didn't allow my children to befriend non-members, my children would not have any friends." The whole room went into silence. It was an eye-opening experience for me. It was my first, "all of the rumors are true about Utah Mormons" moment in my life.” (What I have to say to this is: it’s true that there aren’t many places you are going to have a lesson like this, because only in Utah and maybe Idaho or Arizona is the situation going to even present itself where you want to make sure your kids aren’t discriminating against non-members. If you live outside of these places, most likely your children’s friends aren’t going to be Mormon; but you shouldn’t think it’s a bad thing that we want to make sure the kids in Utah are friends with non members.)

“I think if you're into the "Utah Culture" then you love it, but I am so not, so I am inclined to dislike it: People asking if you can open work meetings with a prayer, the expectation that if you're not super-musical then you're not a good member of the church, thinking that one beer with the boys is OK. That sort of thing. My employment in Utah has been Hell (pardon the word.). I think it's just the people…. that Utahans are some of the most inconsiderate drivers. They are also selfish, backstabbing, and shallow… And then there's the matter of my cousins - of the cousins who were raised in Utah, most of them have either left the church or are indifferent towards it - Utah Mormon hypocrisy was a reason cited for their leaving.” (Wow.)

“Utah just doesn't come across as a place with many intelligent people.” (News to me)

“My experience with the church in Utah isn't good (can you say Stepford Wives?)”

“My expectations of others would be extremely high and I'm not sure that my testimony wouldn't be affected if they weren't met by my neighbor or coworker.”

“people try to be too fancy...and I found myself sorely disappointed in a lot of behavior from people that I felt should know better.”

“For some reason the members of the church that we encountered there were not what I pictured at all. We were looked on as lesser individuals because we were poor college students… but the people there made me never want to live there again.”

First of all, I don’t see how those people can sit there and say these things and not realize that they are doing the exact things that they are complaining that we “Utah Mormons” do; criticizing and judging. Of course nobody is perfect, and because there are so many Mormons in Utah, you are going to find far more who aren’t active or don’t do the things that they should do, but that doesn’t mean we are all like that. As Jeremy said (he made a comment on this blog because I was so upset,) if you have a preconceived notion of something, that is what you are going to look for and notice. Or, some of these people seemed to assume that everybody in Utah is perfect, and when they see that we aren’t (isn’t that crazy?) they assume we are bad people. Grrr, it makes me mad. Oh yeah, and BYU? Not everybody at BYU is from Utah, people. I’m not so naïve that I don’t think there aren’t any people who fit the idea or description of a “Utah Mormon”, but in my experience, and I’ve lived in Utah all of my 23.5 years, it is a very select few. I’ve never felt like I wasn’t accepted in my ward because I didn’t have money or because I don’t really have any musical talent. I think most people understand we all have our own different situations and circumstances. And if you are going to let the fact that not all of the Mormons you come in contact with are active affect your testimony, or get so offended by something someone says and does (and which in most cases isn’t meant the way you take it) that you lose your testimony, I don’t think you can really blame anybody but yourself.

Whew, okay, I am done! Thank you for listening to me vent and thank you to all of my friends and family who have always been such great examples to me (and yes, 90% of you are from Utah)!